February 7, 2006
Before I start on the Super Bowl stuff... I found a food that can cut through Prevacid: Domino's pizza. It may not have been terribly acidic; I think my stomach was just appalled that I sent "pizza" of that quality down the pipe. How they stay in business serving that garbage I have no idea.
Now on to the game. Well, not quite:
Pre-Game
Attention, Mike Tirico... This is not the 40th anniversary of the Super Bowl. It's the 39th. Since there was no Super Bowl Zero, there has only been a 39-year span between the Green Bay-Kansas City game and today. SBXLI will be the 40th anniversary. When in doubt, do the simple math: 2006 - 1967 = 39.
Dear Lazyweb, do the Seahawks have a cheer? I'm going to be needing it in a couple hours.
Commercials. They're starting early this year. Some Mountain Dew knockoff called Vault got the ball rolling with a Vault drinker building a better scarecrow. "And why stop at crows? Rabbits... gophers... hippies!" Hippies fleeing the automotonic monster is the early favorite for best commerical.
PrimeTime, or whatever ABC calls its "news" "magazine", apparently just discovered the concept of payola. Odd that it took them that long to figure out, seeing as how it's been around since before rock 'n' roll was called that.
First Quarter
13:28. Looks like Seattle's taking a page out of Pittsburgh's strategy: Jump on the opposition early.
12:25. Except for when their linemen get confused by the 3-4 setup. Punt away.
Commercial. Not a terribly good one, but at least Burger King finally admitted the king character is creepy. (Or at least "freaky".)
10:20. And Seattle had its defense ready. (Pittsburgh's pair of false starts helped too.) Three-and-out for the Black-and-Piss.
Bud Light commercial. OK, the "magic fridge" was good for a chuckle.
7:00. Hasselbeck's dropping back awfully far. When a fifteen-yard completion only nets you half a dozen that's not a good sign.
5:48. Another punt, making a total of three punts for three posessions. I am heartened by the fact that the Seahawks employ cheerleaders; surely this will bring the favor of the football gods.
Toyota hybrids. It'll take a decade for the gas savings to be worth it, but you can feel like a good little hippie for buying one. "For your future" possibly means when they plan on figuring out how to dispose of the batteries.
Cavemen and FedEx. Meh.
4:14. The Squeelers go three-and-out again. This game might end up with a FG being the only score.
Diet Pepsi. Is P. Diddy still famous?
3:06. "Most catches in the first quarter of a Super Bowl." Baseball stats have truly come to football.
2:15. My prediction earlier in the week was the cliché "first score wins". Seattle looks on pace to do this.
2:00. And they almost did it, except for that penalty call.
0:27. A pair of failed runs sets up a bad throw to the back of the end zone. They almost backed themselves out of field goal range there.
0:22. Field goal, Seattle. Score: 3-0 Seahawks.
Leonard Nimoy apparently has some bills to pay.
0:00. Three × three-and-out for Pittsburgh.
Acura couldn't be assed to come up with a new commercial. Which would be fine if the existing one was any good.
Second Quarter
14:44. Good return for Seattle, into Pittsbugh territory. Er, never mind. Holding on the play.
"Streaker." I still prefer "that ref's a jackass", but that was a good one. Why are beer companies about the only ones capable of producing a good commercial?
12:07. Holy shit, Jerome Bettis is from Detroit? Why wasn't I told?
11:18. Doing their best impersonation of the Browns, Pittsburgh just got their first first down, nineteen minutes in.
"I work with monkeys" was only vaguely funny the first time around. The sequel was not. Maybe they should've played "Push It"...
Some things never change. Cadillacs are still ass-ugly cars.
10:10. Interception; Seattle starts deep in their own end but ends the Pittsburgh drive.
8:15. Note for Antwaan Randle-El: Don't go airborne if there are more people waiting to hit you.
7:10. Nice tortured reference to the Lake Placid Games there, Al.
3:54. Roethlisberger just got sacked out of field goal range. Let's see what they do on third.
3:39. Well, that wasn't what I wanted to see. Nice throw and catch though.
GoDaddy uses some implied nudity in their commercial. I couldn't find the "more" at their site, but I doubt it was worth the effort to look for.
They're remaking Poseidon Adventure?
1:55. Touchdown and PAT, Pittsburgh. Score: 7-3 Steelers.
I think ABC may have overcharged for these commericals... lots of ABC and Disney ads tonight.
1:47. The Seahawks do their best impression of the Browns by having a kick return called back on a hold.
1:13. Seattle doesn't seem to be running a good two-minute drill.
0:26. So... Seattle wants to go into halftime losing 7-6 instead of up 10-7?
0:07. And they may not even get the three after that incompletion.
0:02. Wide right. Did Holmgren take the -4?
Halftime
You ain't watchin' it, I ain't watchin' it, so I ain't bloggin' it.
Tracked down the GoDaddy internet-only ad. To paraphrase one of my favorite sports writers, it was regrettably tasteful.
Third Quarter
14:38. Touchdown and PAT, Pittsburgh. Score: 14-3 Steelers. Shit.
12:37. Seattle's putting together a decent drive now; hopefully that incomplete doesn't kill their psychological momentum.
11:40. Wide left this time. So much for looking strong out of the gate.
OK, that Budweiser commerical was fairly cute. I think they've used up their supply though; the next one better ooze testosteron like usual.
11:32. Ward needs to stop being a good receiver, dammit.
10:12. And Seattle needs to stop tackling their own guys. Eesh.
Um, that H3 commercial was just weird. Fucked up, even.
7:38. Now that's a big play. From trying to keep the damage to a field goal, they're now sitting at the Pittsburgh 20. Nice pick and runback, too bad the guy ran out of steam (and ran into his own blocker).
6:51. Are they only going to get a field goal out of this? If I were the defense I'd be pissed right now.
6:45. No need to settle. Touchdown and PAT, Seattle. Score: 14-10 Steelers.
Working with jackasses is only slightly funnier than monkeys, because you feel like you're getting away with something for saying "jackass" on TV.
Y'know, these photos with the players holding the Lombardi Trophy wouldn't happen in hockey. I'm pretty sure touching the Stanley Cup without winning it is way-bad.
6:45 again. How does somebody on the receiving team get hurt on a touchback?
4:17. And Pittsburgh and Seattle trade punts. Stevens didn't help Seattle's cause by dropping his third of the night. Of course, he is the guy who got the touchdown, but .250 ain't exactly setting the world on fire.
2:55. Another punt. Looks like only the defenses adjusted at halftime.
2:45. Wow, that was dumb. Call a fake fair catch at the 15 or so, then watch the ball bounce inside your own five.
0:00. Yet again, the Seahawks are moving the ball well. Let's see if they can score again.
Benny Hill music is always funny.
Who'd win in a fight, the Geico gecko, or the Budweiser frogs?
Fourth Quarter
12:03. And after a phantom hold (hey, not even Michaels or Madden could see it, and they're contractually obligated to apologize for bad calls) Hasselbeck gets sacked.
10:46. Hasselbeck's turn to get picked. Things are not looking good for Seattle. Not ready to call it game over just yet though. And once again the sportscasters call out the refs on a bad penalty.
8:56. Now it's game over. Touchdown and PAT, Pittsburgh. Score: 21-10 Steelers.
All right, that Macgyver commercial was funnier than it really should have been. And half a generation of sci-fi fans asks, "Why is Colonel O'Neill using a turkey baster to steal a truck?"
8:26. Another bad call, but this one can be reversed.
Well that was odd. A commercial just for beer. Not a particular brand, just beer. I think I may have seen a Guiness with a shamrock in the foam, too.
8:17.And reversed it is.
6:58. I realize you don't want to give the Steelers a lot of time, but given how short your gains have been you may want to pick up the pace right about now.
4:28. Did the umpire just tackle somebody?
3:51. I am so glad I don't live in Pittsburgh any more. Just the Steelers fans I know down here are going to be insufferable for the next year.
3:04. The Seahawks just burned their last timeout. Say goodnight, folks.
2:00. Bet Seattle's missing those two field goals they honked earlier.
0:34. To Seattle's credit, at least they're going down fighting.
0:03. Well, almost fighting. Game over. One for the thumb, an'at.
